People don't quit jobs. They quit bad bosses and toxic cultures.
Feeling like you're at a breaking point in the workplace? You're not alone. I've been there. MILLIONS have been there:
Toxic workplaces, bad bosses, chronic overwork and everyday pressures of capitalism are driving high levels of burnout, demoralization, insecurity and mental and physical suffering across the nation.
But so many employees don’t feel comfortable speaking with their employer about their concerns, as to not put their job at risk due to the financial dependency.
This isn't right. This isn't normal. We have to make a change, individually and for the collective. In this post, we'll talk about how to navigate this oh-so-common problem with grace and maturity.
Only 18% of those currently in management roles demonstrate a high level of talent for managing others.
Gallup
Identifying a Bad Boss
Time and again we see that it's often not the job that's bad — it's the management.
Research shows that companies fail to select the right managerial talent 82% of the time, leading to substantial financial losses and low employee engagement. Only about 10% of people possess the inherent talent required for great management, with another 20% exhibiting basic managerial capabilities when provided with the right support.
A bad boss is like a cancer to a workplace, eating away at employee morale, trust, wellbeing, creativity, innovation and productivity. But this toxicity can also seep into an employees life outside the workplace, affecting one's relationships and their physical, mental and emotional helath.
"If you’re a boss, ask yourself: Do you want to be known as the boss who reduces people to tears, or the one who lifts them up and helps them thrive?"
Robert Sutton
Qualities of a Bad Boss
I've had my fair share of terrible bosses. Here's what many of them have in common.
Ineffective or Absent Communication
Creating information silos
Steamrolling, Interrupting, talking at or over others in conversation
Failing to ask questions, give clear answers or necessary details.
Poor listening - ignoring or dismissing input
Discouraging feedback, openness or honesty
Unloading, info-dumping
Failing to communicate important information about the company’s direction, decisions, or changes, leading to uncertainty and mistrust.
Frequent confusion or miscommunication
Giving conflicting instructions and feedback.
Lacks transparency
Micromanagement
Excessive control over tasks.
Undermining trust in employee capabilities.
Lack of autonomy
Controlling behavior, where they fail to delegate tasks appropriately
Disempowering
Setting team up for failure
Failure to acknowledge others efforts or achievements
Avoids investing time or resources into supporting and advancing teams skillbuilding or career/professional development
Withholding recognition or credit
Focusing more on failures than wins
Rarely offering validation or encouragement
Not given necessary tools, information or resources to do your job.
Dismissing contributions
Fails to provide constructive feedback
Using you as a punching bag
Shaming you for mistakes
Unreasonable Expectations
Unrealistic demands and deadlines.
Creating more work
Overworking employees without considering their limits.
Impossible deadlines and unattainable goals.
Held to unfair standards.
Favoritism & Bias
Unequal or unfair treatment of employees.
Biased decision-making.
Taking people for granted
Closedmindedness
No curiosity or mental openness
Resistant to new ideas or change
Resistant to growth and learning
Little flexibility or adaptability
Calculated & Coniving
Offering an “open door policy” or the illusion that they genuinely want to listen and advocate for change, which is really a trap, a manipulative ploy to create a false sense of trust, keep monitoring you and under their constant surveillance and control.
Making you feel like a nuisance for raising concerns. It’s a trick to silence you and keep you from speaking up.
Whenever you bring up a problem, expect more tasks or issues for yourself, not actual solutions or support.
By pushing you to report every small problem, they make you more dependent on their approval and less able to handle things on your own.
Encourages unhealthy competition
"The bottom line: You deserve a job that allows you to sleep peacefully at night"
Executive Dysfunction or Incompetence
Poor time management
Low attention to detail
Inefficient, unclear or nonexistent processes and systems -
No defined goals, objectives, targets, or expectations
Indecision- over-thinking and overanalyze situations, needlessly complicating matters
Overwhelmed by obvious solutions
Overpromising and under-delivering
Inaction- avoiding decision-making together.
Prioritizing short-term benefit over long-term gain
Low accountability and action:
Unaware of issues or their responsibilities. They lack the knowledge necessary to understand what needs to be done.
Blaming others rather than taking any responsibility, seeing the problem as someone else's fault
Making excuses for why they can't address or resolve it, citing external factors or limitations.
Hoping problems get resolved on their own or that someone else will take care of it.
Lack of Professionalism
Unprofessional or immature behavior and attitude.
Disrespect of other's time or effort
Mocking or belittling others
Untrustworthy, Inconsistent - breaking promises, plans or obligations.
Impulsivity or Reactivity
Loses composure under pressure, stress - cant handle challenges or conflict effectively or maturely
Creating False urgencies.
Reactionary Decision-Making: Often rushing and pressuring tasks last minute
Making hasty decisions without proper planning or consideration
Can't manage own emotions
Unhealthy Ego
Bullying: the abuse of power in a workplace, systematically targetting or mistreatting employees through intimidation, manipulation, or harassment
Easily Offended: Reacting defensively to feedback, criticism, differing opionoins or suggestions, making it difficult for them to learn and grow.
Credit Hoarding: They may take credit for successes but are quick to deflect blame for failures, undermining team morale and trust.
Lack of Collaboration: An inflated ego can cause someone to prioritize their ideas and opinions over others, stifling teamwork and innovation.
Poor Listening Skills: Ego-driven individuals may dismiss the contributions of others, believing their perspective is superior.
Putting Others Down: They might engage in behaviors like gossiping, backstabbing, or undermining colleagues to maintain their perceived superiority.
Inability to Admit Mistakes: A strong ego often prevents someone from acknowledging when they’re wrong, hindering problem-solving and continuous improvement.
Narcissistic tendencies - a belief in their infallibility, a disdain for rules, a constant need/desire for attention, validation flattery or recognition, taking credit for all wins while blaming others for mistakes, giving out feedback but never asking or receiving it in return. Rarely or never discusses team promotions or advances
Superiority complex
Arrogance: Acting as if they know more or are better than others.
Dismissiveness: Ignoring or devaluing others' opinions and ideas.
Competitiveness: Constantly trying to outdo others, often unnecessarily
Authoritarian, autocratic approach
Centralized Control: All decisions are made by the leader without consulting the team.
Strict Rules: A rigid adherence to rules and protocols, with little flexibility.
Limited Freedom: Employees have little autonomy and are expected to follow orders without question.
Inflated self-image:
Overconfidence: Believing they are always right or the best in their field.
Lack of Humility: Refusing to acknowledge mistakes or weaknesses.
Self-Centeredness: Focusing on their own needs and successes, often at the expense of others.
Gaslighting: questioning your reality and perceptions
Avoids accountability
Low Emotional Intelligence, Self-Awareness or Maturity
Not listening with empathy, patience or respect
Responds poorly to others emotions - no compassion
Punishing others for speaking up or asking questions.
There's no such thing as bad jobs; there are only bad managers.
The Impact of Toxic Leadership: Mind, Body, Spirit
Bad managers think they're helping... but they're actually hurting those around them and slowly destroying the business or organization at its roots. The result:
Stifled growth
Damaged trust
Decreased innovation.
Increased anxiety
Destroyed creativity
Slowed decision-making
Increased resignation
This is not something to take lightly. Working under a toxic boss can have long-lasting effects on your confidence and professional development. Even after moving to a new job with a supportive boss, the scars of past negative experiences can linger. Self-doubt and hesitation in decision-making are common residual effects of having been undermined or devalued in previous roles. These experiences can erode your self-worth, leading to imposter syndrome and second-guessing your abilities.
Toxic workplaces also after physical health and well-being too. Research has shown that harmful or hostile workplaces can lead to literal physiological changes in employees, affecting their body chemistry and nervous systems in negative ways.
When we experience prolonged "fight or flight" stress, fear, or anxiety our bodies release higher levels of adrenaline, cortisol and other stress hormones, which can lead to physical health problems such as hypertension, weakened immune response, and sleep disturbances. Chronic exposure to these stressors can also impair cognitive functions like memory and decision-making, further diminishing workplace productivity. Over time our bodies burnout, we face emotional exhaustion, and even long-term mental health issues like depression and anxiety.
THIS IS NOT OK!
"Happiness inspires productivity."
Shawn Achor
Recognizing Toxic Workplace Culture
Any workplace that says "We're like a family here" is generally a red flag of a deeply toxic or dysfunctional dynamic. Watch out for these others indicators of an unhealthy workplace and low-performance culture:
High Turnover
People resign and leave. Often. And fast. When talented employees feel underpaid, unsupported or mistreated, they rightfully go find better, healthier opportunities.This leads to further instability and additional costs for the business in hiring and training new staff. Worst case scenarios: when employees leave without any contingency plans because they simply reach a breaking point because their physical or psychological health is constantly under threat.
Employee Burnout
Poor Work-Life Balance: Your job is your life. Period.
Low Enthusiasm: Work feels more like a life sentence.
Exhaustion is the norm, not the exception.
Unfair or Manageable Workloads: Equality in responsibilities is unheard of.
Overburdened with Responsibilities: Expected to perform duties of multiple positions, leading to burnout and inefficiency.
Understaffed- not enough employees to cover sick, vacation and planned or unplanned absences
Sense of Failure - little reward or motivation, only shaming, blaming, gaslighting
Fearful Environment
Constant Conflict: Disagreements or misunderstandings escalate into wars.
Exclusion and/or Isolation: People feel unwelcome, left our or marginalize
The office feels more like high school, with drama and gossip galore or bullying and harassment.
Immature, Ineffective Communication: Built on Silence and secrets, instead of openness and honesty, People pitting against eachother
Lack of Genuine Connections: More workplace acquaintances than genuine friendships.
Verbal Abuse: Using demeaning, insulting, or aggressive language towards employees, whether publicly or privately.
Negative, Tense or Insecure Atmosphere
The difference between bad bosses and good bosses? One is loud when you make a mistake and quite when you do something good, while the other loud when you do something good, and quiet when you make a mistake. Try to work for the good ones. It'll benefit you in all sorts of ways.
Lack of Defined Systems or Structures
No established systems, processes, or clear chains of command.
No functional departments with clear roles, clear budgets
Frequently reinventing the wheel, starting from scratch without the necessary information or tools
Frequent last-minute changes
Unclear or Misaligned Company Values: What the company preaches isn't what it practices.
Inconsistent Rules or Policies, creating confusion, disorientation and perceived unfairness among employees.
No formal checks and balance mechanism to hold employees or management accountable for misconduct., no process for resolving conflicts between employees or between employees and management.
Constantly pivoting or shifting priorities without proper communication or planninn
"If you get the culture right, most of the other stuff will just take care of itself."
Tony Hsieh
Minimal Growth Opportunities
Zero Recognition: Achievements go unnoticed.
Personal and professional development is a myth.
Corporate Codependency
'Corporate codependency' refers to a dysfunctional dynamic within an organization where unhealthy dependency relationships form between employees, teams, or the organization as a whole. The result? burnout, resentment, and unresolved problems that only grow over time. This dynamic can manifest in various ways, such as:
Over-reliance on Individuals: Certain employees or leaders may be overly relied upon to manage or fix problems, often taking on responsibilities that others should share.
Avoidance of Conflict: avoiding addressing issues or conflicts to maintain a superficial sense of harmony.
Lack of Boundaries: Employees may have poor boundaries, leading to overwork, a lack of work-life balance, and a blurred line between personal and professional lives.
Enabling Unproductive or Unhealthy Behavior: Not holding others accountable, leading to a culture where mediocrity or dysfunction is tolerated, guilting or forcing others into uncomfortable situations or ethical compromises.
Fear of Change: avoidance of discomfort or disruption, causing the organization to remain in a dysfunctional state rather than addressing underlying issues.
"Repeat after me: It's not your responsbility to regulate other emotions, manage their insecurities, pacify their demons, heal their wounds, do their inner work, or be the version of you they've created in their mind"
Rigid, Oppressive, Hierarchal Dynamics or Culture
Top down management- The people and decisions at top of the pyramid are out of reach from input from lower-level employees. .
No transparency - Leadership moves in mysterious ways.
Fear of Retribution or Retaliation: Speaking up feels like stepping on a landmine. Punishing employees who raise concerns, report misconduct, or refuse to participate in unethical practices
Top-down Fear-Based Management: Intimidation is the preferred tool.
Intimidation and Threats: Using fear tactics to control or manipulate employees, including threats of job loss, demotion, or other negative consequences.
Financial Inconsistency, Instability & Uncertainty
Impression of Financial Instability: Concerns about the company's financial health affecting job security.
Underfunded Projects
Inaction/Indecision- held back by prohibitive cost
Unpaid invoices
Poor Reputation
Word of toxic leadership spreads quickly among potential employees and customers, through word-of-mouth and online reviews , making it harder to attract talent and retain customers.
72% of employees leave due to a toxic environment.
A Difference in Values
Toxic Workplace Culture: Profit First
Isolation
Pressure
Stagnation
Overwork
Silencing
Punishment
Criticism
Fixed Mindset "I know everything already"
Skepticism
Healthy Workplace Culture: People First
Collaboration
Support
Innovation
Wellbeing
Open Communication
Work-Life Balance
Recognition
Growth Mindset "I want to keep learning"
Empathy
Employees desperately want and need...
Healthy Work-Life Balance
Supportive & Growth-Based Culture
Freedom & Flexibility to Work How They Want
Internal Mobility & Promotions
Recognition & Appreciation
Clear, Growth-Oriented Career Paths
Managers Who Mentor & Empower
A Sense of Meaning & Purpose
Competitive Pay and Benefits
Trust
Constructive Feedback
Respect and Inclusion
This is NOT asking too much. These should be basic requirements for all workplaces.
Addressing a toxic workplace doesn't happen overnight. It requires noticeable cultural changes, better boundary-setting, and fostering a more open and accountable work environment.
"If you don’t feel like you fit the environment, move on. You won’t change it. It will change you.”
Ken Coleman
How to Fix (or Leave) a Toxic Workplace
Working in an unhealthy environment boss can have long-lasting negative impacts on your career and mental health. It can drain your energy and motivation, often without you realizing it until it’s too late. Recognizing the signs and taking action is crucial for your well-being and professional growth.
When a workplace is not conducive to your professional growth or personal well-being, its time to move on to something that better aligns with your values and work style.
Creating a thriving, positive work environment is not a solo journey. It calls for collective consciousness and action. It also means addressing problems head-on.
This takes a ton of bravery and courage. But it's so necessary and worth the effort. The more we commit, the better our work environments will be.
How exactly? It's not going to be a one-size-fits-all approach, but here are some examples...
"Your manager has a bigger impact on your mental health than your doctor."
Mark P. Jung
The Individual Solution
Respond, not React
If interactions take a turn for the worst, have a go-to script to interrupt the toxic pattern. "Is this a work meeting? I just wanted to make sure you knew where you were. I see you're really passionate about this issue however its difficult to have conversation at that volume. So how about we pause and come back to this when emotions arent heightened. Let's create a healthy work environment and culture conducive to teamwork and collaboration."
Cultivate Resilience
Resilience is a skill developed over time through personal resources, strengths, and psychological capital like hope, optimism, and self-efficacy. It helps you handle stress better and see beyond immediate challenges. Remember that setbacks as opportunities to grow and prove your capabilities.
Keep showing up and giving it your all - excelling and mastering your work, maintaining a positive attitude, and being creative and patient in problem-solving.
Remember that this work situation is temporary, and either you or the boss will eventually move on.
Reframe the situation, and all the learning and growing that comes with it, as a gift that will reveal itself in time
Don't take it personally. It's not about you, and has no value on who you are as a person.
Remember that you are replaceable.
De-escalate first, problem-solve later. Do not try to reason, argue, or correct them.
Avoid showing emotion. Just be boring, disengaged and disinterested, and they will lose their "supply" and go find someone else to bother.
Have compassion and empathy, while maintaining strong boundaries. We may not always understand the reason and root of others toxic behaviors, but trust that something deeper and more complex is going on
Take care of yourself and put stronger boundaries into place through other areas of life. Examine your values and habits and how they're showing up in your work, personal wellness, leisure, community and relationship.
Don't rely or depend on HR to support youI. They're there to protect the company, not the employees, so they probably won’t bite the hand that feeds them.
Remember that your health, family, friendships will always be more important than any job
Stay private about your personal life. The less others know about you, the better.
Use your PTO, do your job well (bare minimum is ok) and stop oversharing, overthinking or overanalyzing every reaction.
Monitor & Assess the Situation
Reflect on your experiences and gather evidence to determine if the environment is salvageable.
Be smart about when and how you engage. Document everything, seek support outside the office if needed and take care of your sanity and wellbeing.
Try the 4 F's: Keep all interactions... Fast (brief), Factual (informative), Friendly (use a warm greeting and departure), Firm (calmly end conversation if it turns hostile)
Embrace the "Let them theory'. Let them show you who they really are, and release the need to change or influence them.
Inquire with several of your co-workers about how they have handled conflict or issues raised in the past. The response you receive will tell you volumes
Don't tolerate more work, or a fancier title, without an increase in compensation.
Identify whether the leader in question is actively or passively toxic. Acting quickly is crucial to prevent long-term cultural damage, as teams reflect the behaviors of their leaders.
Actively toxic leaders display behaviors like abuse, manipulation, denial, blame, volatility, and coercion, which damage performance and trust. These leaders should be removed from leadership roles or the organization entirely.
Passively toxic leaders show negligence, inaction, aloofness, absence or avoidance, often due to a skills gap. These leaders can be coached and developed.
"If it's costing your peace, it's too expensive"
Find Acceptance
Stop wasting your energy. It's not your job to parent other adults, or make sure you're always liked. You CAN'T
change people.
control people.
mold someone into who you want or need them to be.
force them to make a shift before they're ready.
ask them to become someone different than who they authentically are
But you CAN....
change your situation and expectations.
set boundaries
make decisions about how much time and effort you give.
refocus your attention.
respond calmly and maturely
practice acceptance and letting go.
"It’s not your job to be liked. It's your job to be your authentic self, do good work, and live with honesty and integrity"
Know When to Leave
An underrated skill in life is knowing the right time to call it quits.
Recognize that leaving a toxic workplace is an act of bravery, not defeat. Quitting is not a sign of weakness or failure… It takes immense courage to walk away from something you were previously loyal to but that is ultimately not serving you.
Quitting because something isn’t aligning is not the same as quitting because something is challenging. It's ok to say "this isn't what I thought it was," or "this doesn't appeal to me anymore, " or this isn't serving me "
More often than not, quitting is not failure or giving up. It's actually PIVOTING. It's a strategic shift to release what's holding you back and make space for what’s meant to be. It takes wisdom and discernment to know when to persist and when to pivot.
"Remember that you can quit 'the thing' without quitting on yourself. "
Michell Clark
If these are your norm, then it's time to head for the exit.
Constantly Feeling Stressed or Anxious, Underappreciated or Undervalued
No Room for Growth
Poor Work-Life Balance
This is not someone else's problem to fix. It’s up to YOU to advocate for yourself and find a workplace that values you. If it’s not bringing you purpose and happiness, then what's the point? Get out there and write your own story.
"When they go low, we go high."
Michelle Obama
Plan Your Exit Strategy
Create a reasonable timeline for leaving.
Start job hunting discreetly.
Talk to trusted colleagues, friends, or family to let them know you're open to work opportunities.
Consider professional advice from career coaches or counselors.
Save money and reduce expenses.
Understand your financial obligations and prepare for a transition.
Surround yourself with a support system that values your contributions and helps you grow.
"How you leave is how you will be remembered."
Resign & Exit Professionally & Respectfully
Write a clear and concise resignation letter.
Complete pending tasks and projects.
Offer to assist with the handover process for a smooth transition
Wrapping up the relationship or chapter professionally, thoroughly, and with grace is not easy. It's tempting to be passive-aggressive and "burn bridges" or not deliver on your promises.
But instead strive to kill them with overwhelming competence, detail and kindness. Stive to leave on the best terms possible. It speaks more to YOUR character than to THEIRS.
We can’t control how other people behave, only how we comport ourselves in the face of adversity. Maintain your own well-being, sanity and dignity and you'll have graduated this lesson in "adulting" with flying colors.
“Don’t leave until you leave”
Reflect and Move Forward
Reflect on what you’ve learned from the experience.
Starting over again is hard but try to focus on finding a healthier and more supportive work environment. Chances are you'll like your new story better
When interviewing for a new job, make sure to ask questions that help you gauge the leadership style and workplace culture so you wont end up repeating the same mistake twice.
1) "How important is employee feedback to you? What actionable steps or mechanisms do you use to collect it, and discuss it?
2) "Can you share an example of when you took action to address employee feedback? How did the employee/team react?”
3) "How would approach an employee who’s just made a mistake that negatively impacted your business?”
4) "What kind of systems do you have in place for communicating with your team, and conducting 1:1’s?
5) "How would you approach a situation where an urgent work need comes up, but your employee is out of office?"
"Strive to be the Best, and learn from the Worst"
Learn and Grow
When you find a real, living example of a strong, effective leader, cherish them!
Also, learn from them and strive to be this kind of leader for others. If you've ever wondered whether or not you're the villain in someone else's story then take a moment to reflect - are you authentically leading (ie inspiring and empowering) or just bossing around? Are you pushing for excellence, or pushing people away?
Embrace feedback like a long-lost friend
Value the wisdom in
making the often tough, but necessary choices in service to what’s authentic, right and the most kind.
what you've learned, taking them into other parts of your life and career, and of course your own approach to leadership.
The Collective Solution
We need to stop relying on conventional and ineffective selection processes, promoting individuals based on past success in non-managerial roles rather than their innate managerial talent.
According to a study by the National Bureau of Economic Research in collaboration with the Harvard Kennedy School, selecting managers based on age, experience or personality traits like overconfidence, is not effective as these are not reliable predictors of interpersonal skills or analytical skills.
Instead, we should select managers with a more scientific approach based on two measures highly predictive of leadership skills: high IQ and strong economic decision-making skills.
Before putting people in managerial roles we MUST assess how they treat people, how they handle tough situations, and how they empower their teams to perform.
Prioritize teaching leadership crucial skills through diagnostic tools, continuous learning and training development programs.
Encourage and establish systems that promote greater transparency, honesty and accountability. While projecting a company positive image is understandable, doing so at the expense of truth can erode trust and make it harder to tackle sensitive issues effectively. Being proactive to address toxic behaviors early on are critical to preventing a culture of silence and fear from taking root, as unchecked toxicity can compound and spread, even affecting individuals on a physiological level.
Advocate and implement for more human-centered policies.
Flexible work schedules
Flexible work environments
Holacratic decision-making,
mandatory miniumum PTO
More paid leave,
Four-day workweeks, etc.
87% of employees say toxic workplaces hurt their mental health.
The Anti-Work Movement
It's time to change how we think about work on a fundamental level.
We need leaders and organizations that value our individual and collective humanity and make a positive contribution to society. We need to prioritize quality of life as the ultimate success metric.
Entrepreneurship is becoming increasingly common as people are taking their financial fate and their physical and mental health into their own hands, leaving conventional workplaces and getting off the corporate ladder.
There is a clear trend: chronic dissatisfaction with toxic workplaces and poor management is a significant motivator for employees to transition into self-employment, where they hope to create better, more empowering environments for themselves and others.
There is a mass exodus of skilled workers who are seeking more balance, meaning, peace, purpose, personal growth, freedom and fulfillment. As they have every right to.
We've had enough. We're tired of trying to prove ourselves and get to the top when the people at the top ultimately consider us just a cog in their machine. We're tired of the promise of "having it all" translates to "doing it all," as we juggle careers, childcare, eldercare, and household responsibilities without adequate support or recognition.
It's time to reject the systems that underserve us. It's time redefine success on our own terms. It's time to pivot and pursue what truly matters: health, happiness and work that aligns with our values and passions.
"If your talent and skills aren't appreciated where you are, take them somewhere else."
Wrapping It Up
Most people don’t quit because of the job itself. Sometimes it's just time for a change, or there is simply a mismatch in work culture and style and values, and thats ok.
But more often than not, they’re leaving because their personal wellbeing is suffering. They are tired of anxiety and stress. They're feeling overworked and underpaid, as well as
undervalued
unappreciated
unmotivated
unsupported
unimportant
unheard
overwhelmed
overlooked
frustrated
resentful
depressed
disrespected
defeated
hopeless
ignored
The bottom line: No job is worth sacrificing your mental health. Your inner peace and well-being is the foundation for your success afterall.
Everyone deserves to be surrounded by those who respect, value and lift them up. Everyone deserves to work somewhere where they not only feel safe and supported, but where they can thrive and reach their full potential, both personally and professionally.
Erin Ratliff is a holistic business coach and organic growth & visibility consultant serving energy-sensitive, earth-loving, heart-led soul-preneurs, self-starters, and founders with the mission of personal and planetary healing.
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