"Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others. We can't base our own worthiness on others' approval. Only when we believe, deep down, that we are enough can we say, enough!”
Brene Brown
Setting boundaries can be difficult in our personal lives, and even moreso professionally at work. However, having healthy boundaries with your manager or clients is essential for achieving success and fulfillment in your career. Without these boundaries, we often face burnout, stress, and frustration.
Setting boundaries with your boss is essential for maintaining a healthy work-life balance, protecting your mental health, and achieving professional success. In this blog we’ll uncover practical tips for setting boundaries, overcoming challenges, and fostering a supportive workplace culture.
49% of women struggle with saying no or setting boundaries.
55% of women take on more work than they should.
45% of women identify as people pleasers.
"Feeling taken advantage of, frustrated, irritated, annoyed, and bitter is the result of the resentment we feel when we don't set limits."
Nedra Glover Tawwab
Understanding Yourself, Your Limits
The number 1 reason for resentment and burnout at work comes down to our ability to set limits.
This builds up over time, leading to paranoia, preventing us from being our best selves in our relationships and work. It leads us to put up walls of self-protection or isolation and breeds conflict. Nobody wants that, ESPECIALLY at work!
It's easy to blame the boss or the coworker. But at the end of the day, people cross our boundaries because we let them.
Most people don't set boundaries until they're violated, but it's time we normalize initial boundaries and setting expectations.
"Burnout is not a badge of honor. It’s a problem that requires a solution. We need to start prioritizing our well-being and setting boundaries to protect our mental health."
Ariana Huffington
Recognizing Burnout
Many professionals are juggling multiple roles leading to increased stress and potential burnout. Burnout is a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress.
Phase 1: Initial Ambition and Overextension
Phase 2: Escalating Disregard
Phase 3: Critical Breakdown
Note: Some may prefer to use the term 'exploitation' over burnout. This transfers the responsibility to the employer and may help identify the foundational workplace practices and policies that need solving, more than employees' feelings.
"The most basic boundary-setting word is 'no.' It’s crucial in life to be able to say no to things that do not align with your values or that you simply do not have the capacity to do."
Henry Cloud
The Challenges of Boundary Setting
Learning how to set boundaries is crucial to managing work stress effectively and maintaining a healthy work-life balance.
Unfortunately employees and entrepreneurs face several common challenges when setting boundaries for their time or energy, especially against management or clients.
Fear of Retaliation: Concerns about negative consequences, such as being perceived as difficult or uncooperative.
Career Impact: Worries that setting boundaries could hinder career advancement or opportunities.
Power Imbalance: Feeling less leverage in conversations due to the manager’s decision-making authority.
Cultural Norms: Workplace cultures that discourage challenging authority or setting boundaries.
Desire to Please: Reluctance to set boundaries due to a strong desire to please managers and be seen as dedicated team members.
Hierarchical Cultures: In hierarchical cultures, employees may feel it’s inappropriate to set boundaries with managers.
Despite these challenges, setting boundaries is crucial for maintaining a healthy work-life balance and overall well-being.
Discomfort is inevitable when someone pushes back on a boundary, but it is crucial to push through and advocate for oneself. Establish a healthy working relationship rather than slipping into conflict-avoidant or people-pleasing behavior.
Hidden Injustices
"Toxic Niceness" or "Toxic Professionalism" refers to the workplace culture of prioritizing pleasant, agreeable behavior in ways that reinforce inequity and shield and protect the comfort of the privileged. People often prioritize personal feelings and civility over addressing toxic power dynamics and systems that perpetuate lack of justice or accountability.
For example, calling out individuals or organizations for harmful practices is often percieved as being to "harsh","aggressive" or "mean." People in power would argue a gentler approach, like offering private feedback rather than public shaming. However expecting employees to engage in emotional labor to protect and comfort the privileged is unfair and reinforces inequities.
Often, those with less power risk losing their job, promotions, reputation, etc., while those with power may have their feelings hurt but experience little to no consequence to their social or financial status.
It's important to reflect on how one's identity and privilege affect your social standing at work. True social justice requires calling out harmful workplace practices and acknowledging the system challenges of power and privilege that harm marginalized groups over time.
"Emotional agility is about being able to recognize when you need to say no, or when you need to set a boundary. It’s about being able to move past emotions that don’t serve us."
Susan David
Why Setting Boundaries at Work is Important
Setting boundaries with your boss is essential for your mental health, work-life balance, and overall well-being:
Reducing Stress and Burnout: Helps prevent excessive workloads and constant pressure.
Promoting Emotional Well-being: Encourages work-life balance and the prioritization of emotional needs.
Preventing Overwork: Creates more manageable workloads, avoids the trap of overworking to the detriment of personal life.
Improving Family Foundations: Enables quality time with family, strengthening relationships.
Enhancing Productivity and Focus: Recharging outside of work improves concentration and performance.
Preventing Career Stagnation: Adequate rest and time for self-improvement helps maintain enthusiasm and professional growth.
Establishing Self. Boundaries are one of the biggest signs of maturity.
"It’s okay to have personal goals. If you are constantly trying to meet everyone else's expectations, you will never reach your own. Set boundaries to prioritize your well-being."
Sheryl Sandberg
Boundaries for Empathic Entrepreneurs
Are you a creator, coach, healer, or guide trying to navigate the complexities of solopreneurship? The pressure to perform, conform, and meet others' expectations can be overwhelming. But remember, you have a unique magical gift, a zone of genius, that's all your own. It's okay to be yourself, to make mistakes, and to find your way in a manner that resonates with you.
It's also okay to have boundaries, and most importantly - to charge for your work. In fact, it's essential to protect you, your energy, your community and your offerings for the longterm.
Setting boundaries is particularly crucial for empathic and highly sensitive individuals as they often find themselves deeply affected by the emotions and energies of others. While their empathy and sensitivity can be powerful assets in their line of work - helping to build meaningful connections and understanding clients' needs, these traits can also make them more susceptible to burnout and emotional exhaustion.
"Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth."
Highly sensitive entrepreneurs often struggle with disappointing others or being perceived as unhelpful. It's imperative to learn how to let someone down when what they want or envision is not what we want or envision.
Someone will always have thoughts regarding your decisions, choices, hopes, and wishes and how you show up in your life. It is not your job to monitor or police the reactions of others. It's YOUR job to live with authenticity, intention and grace.
Saying yes to every request can lead to overwhelming workloads and decreased quality of work. Instead, create and serve for the joy of it and if it works for you, you can share your work freely.
However, remember that no one is entitled to your work or labor. If someone communicates or behaves with rudeness or cruelty to you, they should be uninvited or blocked from your access.
Your website and social pages are the virtual lobby of your business -so you call the shots! Make a policy that sarcastic, mean, patronizing, belittling, condescending or gloating people be removed - no exceptions. Make a policy that thanything that doesnt foster productive discussion be deleted. You are not required to provide a platform or audience for other's thoughts/opinions.
At the end of the day,YOU are the boss of your business, and your content and business, and it's essential to do what you are called to do, not to please those who don't align with your vision, needs and goals.
Establishing and maintaining clear boundaries helps protect your well-being and ensures you can continue to perform at their best and create a sustainable workload and work environment that allows you to thrive both personally and professionally.
"No is a complete sentence."
Anne Lamott
Practical Steps to Setting Boundaries
Understand Your Triggers
The foundation of assertiveness is self-awareness, which involves understanding one's emotions, needs, values, and triggers. To develop assertiveness, clients engage in a cycle of practice, reflection, and feedback. While it can be developed independently, working with a coach can enhance and expedite progress. Recognize the impact of stress and burnout on your brain. Stress can impair decision-making and trigger fight, flight, or freeze responses.
Set Boundaries Early
The key isn't just setting boundaries. It's about setting them up front.
Ever try to establish a boundary later, after you've already worked with someone for some time?
You're seen as not being a team player.
You're seen as being combative or moody lately.
You're seen as suddenly disinterested in work.
The issue is that the perpetrator is used to being able to walk all over you and now view the boundaries as hostility, a retaliation or your poor performance.
However, when you walk in and speak your truth from day one, they often accept it better, because you've always been that way. That consistency is easier to process and understand.
When boundaries are set from the beginning, it helps build mutual respect and fosters a healthier work environment.
Check In
Write down and regularly review these four key questions to regain control and make better decisions throughout the day.
What Am I Thinking About Right Now? Gain clarity by identifying your thoughts.
How Do I Feel? Acknowledge and accept your feelings without judgment.
What Else Could Be True? Challenge initial thoughts and explore alternative perspectives.
What Action Will I Take? Decide on a next step to address the issue.
Protect your Time
It's important to allocate specific times for work and personal activities, and to communicate these boundaries clearly to clients and colleagues so that others see that your time and energy are valuable.
Setting office hours and sticking to them can prevent the blurring of lines between professional and personal time.
Inform your boss and team of your boundaries, such as not answering emails after a certain time.
Regularly scheduling time for activities that rejuvenate and energize, such as meditation, exercise, or hobbies, also helps maintain emotional resilience.
Use tools like calendar blocks and out-of-office messages to enforce these boundaries.
"I've been doing a lot of personal development lately. One of the things I need to be better about is setting boundaries on my time so that my work doesn't negatively impact my health or my relationships. Hope you can respect that as I work on undoing unhealthy behaviors from my past. This won't impact my work but will impact my availability outside of work hours."
The Three C’s
Be Clear: Be clear and concise about your boundaries to ensure they are well understood and agreed up and to avoid conflicts down the road. You can do this in the initial onboarding process, verbally and in writing.
Say the boundary, why it's important to you or why it's imeaningful to your well-being or performance - without overexplaining yourself.
Be Consistent: Enforce your boundaries regularly to reinforce and maintain them effectively.
Be Confident: Confidence, arming yourself with self-belief, tools and knowledges, helps with boundary setting by empowering individuals to assert their needs and limits clearly and respectfully.
"Setting boundaries is an important part of giving a leader the bandwidth needed to be the most effective."
Kevin Box
Protect Your Peace
For empathic individuals, an environment and daily habits that feels safe and calming can make a substantial difference in your energy. This might include having a quiet, designated work area, using noise-canceling headphones, or incorporating elements that promote relaxation, such as plants or soothing colors.
Clarify Your Job Responsibilities
Ensure you have a clear understanding of your job duties , key tasks and what is expected of you and alignment with your goals, and theirs. If your boss asks you to take on tasks outside your job description, communicate your concerns and set limits on what you can realistically manage.
Communicate Your Needs
Don’t hesitate to ask for more support, resources, or time to complete tasks. Setting realistic expectations around your workload helps avoid feeling overwhelmed and helps your boss understand your needs better.
Establish Your Availability
Determine your working hours and communicate these to your boss. This helps prevent situations where you feel pressured to work outside your normal hours.
" An assertive person is not aggressive. They are clear, honest, and respectful in their communication in all aspects of their life- personally and professionally. An assertive person doesn't back down from their values, but neither do they force their beliefs on others. Instead, they engage in a respectful dialogue where different viewpoints can coexist.Stand firm in your beliefs AND be willing to consider different perspectives. State your needs and opinions without dismissing or belittling others."
Catherine McDonald
Prioritize Your Values
Identify what is important to you and what you need to protect your happiness at work. Notice times of stress or discomfort as signals that boundaries may have been violated. Discuss priorities and key tasks that align with your role and the organization’s goals.
Prepare to Negotiate
Understand the details why a project is needed before fully agreeing to it. Discuss your overall workload with your manager and present solutions for managing it.
Avoid negative language when discussing workload issues with your boss. Explain how taking on new tasks might affect your ability to complete current projects effectively. Approach the conversation with a positive, collaboriative attitude and a willingness to find mutually beneficial solutions.
Practice Saying No Professionally
Most marketers and communication professionals are used to being constantly pushed and prodded, and thus are used to politely setting boundaries.
One of our greatest strengths needs to be knowing when to say N𝘰.
" No, we’re not distributing a press release on Election Day (unless we’re intending to bury bad news).
• No, this story isn’t quite right — or the timing isn’t.
• No, this doesn’t need a press release. A blog post or executive post on LinkedIn might be more impactful.
• No, we’re not ready to make this public just yet.
• No, the messaging isn’t clear enough. Let’s refine it for clarity and consistency.
• No, this format won’t resonate with our audience.
• No, this partnership doesn’t align with our brand values.
The examples are endless.
But it’s not about giving our colleagues a hard time; we say 𝘯𝘰 to stay strategic and intentional. Every is in the best interest of others. We’re ultimately protecting our company and brand, ensuring that we deliver meaningful content that truly resonates with our audience.
"If you don't stand for something, you fall for everything"
Approached with a bad or unrealistic idea? Try not to dismiss it right away, or throw cold water on their enthusiasm. These steps below can help you navigate a difficult conversation with a micromanaging supervisor or client, helping to create structure and establish expectations.
It's all about being diplomatic and offering alternate solutions. In a way, it's about disguising your "no" as a " yes" so they feel heard and supported.
1. Create a "parking lot" or backlog for their ideas
"Thank you for your creativity. Let's add this to our idea bank for Q3. I'll make note to revisit and reassess this when we have greater bandwidth."
“We could do this after the annual meeting”
2. Redirect them to your current priorities,
"Love the energy! Here's what we're focused on now, and how it aligns with our audiences needs and progresses us toward our goals."
“We can think about this in a different format.”
"I would love to help you achieve your goals. Let's talk about what they are in more detail and how we can achieve them in a way that's mutually beneficial"
3. Explain opportunity cost
"If we pivot to X, we might not achieve Y and Z. We really want to create an impact on the customer this way."
ES. YES - IThat may mean NO to their initial request, but ultimately you are partnering together to achieve goal
If they push back then give them the hard truth: Your best marketing has ONE, single clear point of view. As the leader, you need space to see your creative vision to fruition. You need to be trusted to take big swings (and sometimes miss). You need the ability (and the psychological safety) to push back on ideas and proposals that don't fit. It's about creating. a culture where the word No isn't feared.
Expect Pushback
Be prepared for boundary violations and have a plan for handling them. Practice responses to potential scenarios to ensure you are ready to assert your boundaries. Anticipate counterarguments and articulate your reasons for standing firm or pushing back.
Be willing to sit in the feeling of discomfort of disappointing or frustrating someone else. Be willing to stand firm when they argue or disrespect you because they don't like those boundaries. Be willing to see them unhappy, and accept that you might be part of that reason.
"It's not your job to be liked. It's your job to be yourself and do what’s right."
Back up Your Claims
Use quantifiable information, evidence and data to support your position. Plan to document and tack Your Workload, keeeping a record of tasks and time spent
Know Your Worth
A healthy workplace is NOT too much to ask. You deserve an environment and culture that allows you to be your best self and prioritizes:
Open Communication: Encourage open dialogues about projects, workloads and capacity
Leading by Example: Demonstrate healthy boundary-setting behaviors - unplugging/disconnect after hours to recharge, using all PTO
Training and Development: Offer programs that teach assertive communication and boundary setting.
Boundary Management: Celebrate and recognize employees who effectively manage their boundaries.
Transparency Balance & Harmony: Ensure no one is overwhelmed with unmanageable workloads.
Know Your Rights : Understand legal guidelines and company policies related to workload and work-life balance.
Meet One on One
Have focused conversations in a private setting. Clearly and respectfully express your concerns and needs. Emphasize your commitment to meeting responsibilities while maintaining boundaries.
Follow Through and Be Consistent
Stick to the boundaries you’ve set. Respect your limits and demonstrate their importance through consistent actions. Politely but firmly decline additional tasks if they exceed your capacity.
Normalize Boundary Scripts & Phrases
When setting boundaries, it’s important to be firm yet respectful. Use "I" Statements and aim to propose alternatives that meet both your limitations and organizational needs.
Arm yourself with the following polite and professional phrases to communicate clearly and professionally, without confrontation or disrespect.
When Declining Additional Work or Hours
"I have a lot on my plate right now. Can we delegate or find another solution?"
"I appreciate the opportunity, but my current workload doesn’t allow me to take on more at the moment. Can we discuss prioritizing my existing tasks instead?”
“I would love to help, but I’m currently at capacity. Is there someone else who might be able to assist with this?”
“I’m committed to maintaining a healthy work-life balance, so I won’t be able to respond to emails after [specific time]. I’ll address them first thing in the morning.”
“For the sake of productivity and personal well-being, I need to stick to my scheduled work hours. I’ll ensure all urgent matters are handled within that time.”
”Thank you for thinking of me for this task, but I’m currently at full capacity and won’t be able to take this on.”
”I appreciate the opportunity, but with my current workload, I wouldn’t be able to give this project the attention it deserves.”
”I can’t take this on right now, but perhaps someone else has the bandwidth?
”I’d love to help, but I’m tied up for the next few weeks. Can this wait until then?”
NOTE: Just because you CAN doesn't mean you SHOULD. It's important to avoid saying yes to ‘getting the things done because it needs to get done’. This enablement won't communicate to upper management that there are staffing issues, and perpetuates a culture of chronic burnout, uneven distribution of work, and being under-resourced. Speaking up and saying no helps your top level management gain clarity on their priority needs, structural solutions and areas for improvement!
You may work well under pressure, but you should be doing so only under proper and increasing compensation.
"Poor Planning on Your Part does not consistute an Emergency on My Part"
When Handling Interruptions
“I’m in the middle of something important right now. Can we schedule a time to discuss this later?”
“I’m working on a tight deadline. Can this wait until I’m finished, or should we find someone else who can assist immediately?”
When Setting Communication Preferences
“For clarity and efficiency, I prefer to communicate via email for all project updates. Is that alright with you?”
“I find that meetings are most productive when they’re scheduled in advance. Can we set a regular check-in time instead of ad-hoc meetings?”
Politely Disagreeing
“I see your point, but I have a different perspective. Here’s how I view the situation…”
“I understand where you’re coming from, but I think we should also consider…”
“I appreciate your input, but I have some concerns about this approach. Can we explore some alternatives?”
“I understand the direction you’re suggesting, but I believe there might be a more effective way to achieve our goals. Can we discuss this further?”
When Providing Feedback
“I value your work on this, but I think there’s an opportunity to improve in [specific area]. How do you feel about exploring some changes?”
“Your efforts are commendable, and I have some suggestions that might enhance the outcome. Would you be open to discussing them?”
When Addressing a Misunderstanding
“I think there may have been a misunderstanding. What I intended to convey was…”
“I believe we might be seeing this from different angles. Let’s clarify our viewpoints to ensure we’re on the same page.”
"Setting boundaries is a crucial aspect of emotional intelligence. It’s about knowing your limits and communicating them effectively to maintain a healthy balance."
Daniel Goleman
Wrapping It Up
Boundaries are not limiting. In fact, they will expand you, and set you free to do what you love in the most impactful way.
People often neglect setting boundaries, however it’s an important part of giving you the bandwidth needed to be the most effective and impactful.
Setting boundaries at work is crucial for creating a healthier and more successful work environment. By following these steps and techniques, you can grow and scale in a sustainable way, while maintaining control over your career and personal well-being.
Setting boundaries requires a balance between being assertive, advocating for your needs and being open to constructive dialogue. By doing so, you can achieve a harmonious and fulfilling life both inside and outside the workplace.
Erin Ratliff is a holistic business coach and organic growth & visibility consultant serving energy-sensitive, earth-loving, heart-led soul-preneurs, self-starters, and founders with the mission of personal and planetary healing.
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